Super Weird Milk Bread

Cheeseless Cheesey Coffee Rye Bread

NEED to start:

1 1/2 cups cold milk

4 tspn yeast

4 tbsp + 1 tbsp + 1 tspn sugar

-Mix milk, yeast, and the 4 tablespoons of sugar together and stir well in preparation for making forty croissant for new years day
-Realize that the milk is too cold to proof the yeast, and that you don't have time to let it warm up, and you're worried about microwaving yeast
-Pour mixture into a glass, cover with saran wrap, start over with warm milk
-Make croissant for the three family new-years-day brunch, consume much delicious food
-24 hours after mixing the yeast milk, give it another tablespoon of sugar, mix, and leave in the fridge still
-12 hours after that, give it another teaspoon of sugar, and set in a bowl on the counter to warm up and come alive

NEED to continue:

1 cup warm coffee

4 cups rye flour

2 1/2 cups white flour

1 tbsp yeast a quarter-jar of yeast

4 tspn coarse sea salt

-Add the warm coffee to the milk to bring it up to heat and come alive sooner
-While the yeast is coming alive, mix the flours together in a bowl, forming a well in the center
-Become worried about your milky-yeasty business when it bubbles up but there is only minimal yeast-mass floating on top of the fluid
-What could of gone wrong, yeast and milk both live happily in the fridge most of the time. It can't have gone bad or anything!
-Get out some more yeast from the fridge, get a tablespoon of yeast ready
-Set the table spoon of yeast down to pick up a clean spoon with which to taste the milk to make sure it's still OK
-Mmmmm! A little sweet, but mostly milky and slightly alcoholic! Excellent!
-Add the yeast
-Realize that you put the tablespoon of yeast down meaning that instead of putting a tablespoon of yeast in, you actually just dumped the remaining quarter of a jar of yeast into your milk
-oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit
-Let proof
-Mix the sea salt in with the flour to try and intercept the rampant yeast monster you have made
-When proofed, add the yeast and sweetened milk to your dry ingredients, and knead until it sticks together (should be a sticky, wet dough)
-Form into a ball, cover, and let rise several times, watching to punch it down as soon as the dough peaks it's rise
-Preheat your oven to 450F with a pan of water in the bottom for steam
-Form your dough into an attractive loaf, let rise one last time for half an hour
-Bake in the oven for an hour and ten minutes or so, turning the heat down to 375F after the first five minutes

This is actually one of the tastiest things I've baked. A very strong, charactered bread, it's heavy in texture just as I like it, and has a complex, slightly cheesy taste to it.
Will definitely be baking this again.